on 2007

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before? Besides start a blog? Play golf, race a go-cart, host a jewelry part, witness a motorcycle accident, buy a house, and spend the holidays with my brother & sister-in-law.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't remember ... the beginning of 2007 didn't exactly go to plan.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No, 2007 was the year all my friends' babies became toddlers.
4. Did anyone close to you die? No, had a scare though.
5. What countries did you visit? None but the one I live in.
6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? A dog.
7. What date(s) from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Oi ... well, saying goodbye to so many people really stunk, but there were a bunch of good times (see question 1)
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I bought a house!
9. What was your biggest failure? Not writing enough notes (real ones, in the MAIL) to my Granny.
10. Did you suffer any illness or injury? A couple infections but nothing serious.
11. What was the best thing you bought? The house is getting mentioned a lot in this survey. A close second is my MacBook Pro.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Jessica and I managed to make perfect guacamole for Sunday dinner one day last summer. Oh, and Matti (one of the aforementioned toddlers) walked for the first time.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Not the sort of question I'm comfortable putting out in the blogosphere. No FSJ-like hidden talents here.
14. Where did most of your money go? Probably taxes.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Releasing my first application at work, my promotion, moving into my house, and picking out my dog.
16. What song will always remind you of 2007? Elevator Love Letter by Stars Go Pandora!
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier or sadder happier!
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? talking with old friends
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? swearing - I developed quite a repertoire of vulgarity this year
20. How will you be spending Christmas? I took time off and visited family and friends in and around where I grew up.
21. Did you fall in love in 2007? bourbon sour (thanks Kara) may really be all I need ...
22. How many one-night stands? if you don't know the answer to this you don't know me at all ...
23. What was your favorite TV program? Bones
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? no ...
25. What was the best book you read? Night by Eli Wiesel
26. What was your greatest musical discovery? Leigh Nash went SOLO - that or Thrivemix ...
27. What did you want and get? besides the house and the macbook, I bought a Casio Exilim
28. What did you want and not get? Personal copy of Adobe Creative Suite 3
29. What was your favorite film of this year? Of the movies I saw released in 2007 - I'll have to say Transformers (I have a lot to catch up on, wow.)
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? It was a Sunday, so I went to church. Also had several dinners with friends. I'm creeping up on 30!
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? getting to go skiing or kiteboarding
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? sharp & preppy
33. What kept you sane? friends & work
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Padma Laksmi
35. What political issue stirred you the most? genocide in Africa & national sales tax
36. Who did you miss? Who do I NOT miss? I can't be everywhere at once!
37. Who was the best new person you met? Mary or Arielle or Jacky or Ashley
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007: College football needs a playoff!
39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
It's hard to change and it's hard to lose It takes years for rough to be made smooth You can use up our love, yeah, precious energy To be tossed like a shell, from the hungry seas
And I wished for guidance And I wished for peace I could see the lightning Somewhere in the east And I wished for affection And I wished for calm As I lay there Nervous in the light of dawn.
~Leigh Nash

I miss this place.

I think the subtle sore throat I've been carrying around for the last 3 weeks has turned into something worse.   One of my ears feels stuffed ... like the car trunks of the Black Friday shoppers.  Too much pressure.

But the kitchen is packed.  My dining room is filling up of a sturdily constructed tower of boxes.  I'm starting to get the itch to move all the stuff to the new place.  December 10 (the day I must be out of my apartment) can't come soon enough.

rearward thanksgiving

Giving thanks obviously makes one think about more than the immediate comforts. In light of the office move, I will have a long Thanksgiving weekend for the first time in five years.  Lacking the motivation to continue packing up my apartment, I'm listening to Leigh Nash and remembering what I was doing this time last year. My oldest friend's husband had just been tragically killed in a car accident, I had received my motorcycle operator's license, and I visited the OKC memorial for the first time with my parents.

I am so thankful for everything that has happened around me and the opportunities I've had since then. Even though I buried a huge chunk of my spirit when Matt and I broke off our 5 year relationship, out of that experience grew renewed dedication to my God and discovering what He calls me to do. I know a lot of you were praying for me and I am STILL thankful for that!

Mary, Kevin, Noah & Matthew were the first to bring my heart back into the light, and they continue to give me joy even after they moved back east. Heather who loved me constantly through the last 7 years brightens my days with wisdom when I don't even realize I need it. J & Rachel have made weekly dinners a priority for the last 18 months despite our fluctuating schedules. And both their families have extended to include me for all those holiday functions. My girls from church: Amy, Heather, "Mimi", Melissa, and Rebecca. Katy and Sarah and I continued our triad of troubles and building each other up ... that strand of three cords is nowhere near broken. Liliana, Rebekah, Morgan, & Cynthia for some great nights at the Pot, Deli, and Rok.  There have been other distracting late-night parties ... can't forget the crew at work!  Mike and Matt for encouraging my talent in the organization ... but also Kristin, Jennifer, Tom & Cari who constantly remind me to STOP working once in a while.

All my friends on myspace & facebook - you know who you are and it's been great to connect with you over web 2.0.

American Thanksgiving is one of those "family" holidays.  My immediate family is small but so precious to me ... they'll be on the cell phone tomorrow for sure.  Karl keeps me laughing and Kara fits into our family so perfectly. My Dad and Mom who sold their house only to become "homeless" even as I started buying my first place. I hope I can retire as well (and early) as they have ... traveling all over the country: enjoying the sights and serving where they can. Those two snowbirds spend their winters in Bay St. Louis, MS. Their dedication to the families who lost their homes in Hurricane Katrina is a huge inspiration to me. That was over 2 years ago and people are still living in trailers next to the rudimentary foundations where their homes used to be.

That comparison just brings me back around: I have a lot to be thankful for ...

well, it was a good week until...

Wired posted this about Macs ...
I still love my laptop. I just have to be just as careful with it as I had to be with my last computer.

house buying

mac gloat for the day - all text spellcheck!!!

Anyway, I did have a point to write about tonight: Research, whether via google or B&N, supports most major decisions I make.  I'm not going to make a significant commitment without investigating multiple sources for advice.  I found my home inspector online.  I'm uploading realtor pictures to the web cloud for dissemination.  I almost spilled my cinnamon mocha on the stack of books (about mortgages) and magazines (about modern interior design).  Almost.

Anyway, none of it really stuck in my head until my realtor and loan officer dropped a stack of papers in front of me.  Papers with horizontal hairlines at the bottom of every page.  That line requires my total signature.  This isn't C. Leslie signing for that cinnamon mocha.  This is Christina E. Leslie committing to yes, she gives this realtor the right to negotiate on her behalf in this transaction.  That she'll pay a specified dollar amount (totaled in the "truth in lending statement" - Rachel wasn't kidding when she said to brace for that) over the next 30 years.

I haven't even experienced 30 years yet ... do the first 3 even count because I barely remember them anyway?

Short of my membership vows, this is the most significant commitment I have ever made ... it's public record!

macbook features

I'm mystified by why people go ape for Firefox.  The find tool doesn't seem to work properly, so I'm back in Safari to post this.  It's got the tabs I grew to love in Internet Explorer, and the find tool works.  But I love that blogger recognized me when I surfed here to post something.  IE never did that, I don't know why.

iPhoto is going to make me not miss Photoshop until I have a serious project on my hands.  I haven't taken the time to sit down with iMovie.  Hopefully Blogger supports video blogs :)

new mac

The proud owner of a Mac just can't keep quiet about it. Unfortunately I'll have to stop exploring in order to write an entry.  Let's just say that I hope tomorrow's Sunday school lesson on the tenth commandment puts my worldly obsession back into proper focus.

State Fair diversion

My upper respiratory infection didn't stop me from enjoying the variety of Heather's birthday week. We started with an Alice Peacock concert at Lit last weekend and ended with the Oklahoma State Fair yesterday. In between I missed two days of work...that fever just wouldn't stay down.
Amy brought Caleb--who enjoyed steppin' out of his stroller for the first time. Firmly corralled between Heather, Rebecca, or me, he actually strut all around the buildings. The first stop was for me and Heather: cooking demonstrations. When you saute beef stir-fry, you know you're supposed to cook the veggies first and then remove them while you cook the beef? I didn't...and the samples were perfectly al dente (can you say that about vegetables?) unlike the sloppy mess my stir-fry usually turn out. Caleb was bored with that building, so we headed out for the next event.
Which only proves that if something can be motivated, people will race it. And if there's racing, more people will watch. Yes, we attended Swifty Swine Productions' pig races. I didn't peer behind the bleachers, but no money changed hands! Just the aforementioned motivation: oreos.
Caleb got a much bigger thrill out of the petting zoo and the baby chicks in the FFA exhibit. Just like I got a bigger thrill out of the car building. No Hondas...I guess Toyota (who took up a sizable chunk of the showroom) can't take the foreign competition. Out of the car makers there, Jeep's 2008 line most impressed me - except the concept car looked like Hummer merged with Playskool. Hopefully my Honda will last long enough for Tesla to come up with a suitable 4-wheeler.
As for fair food: I'll have to go back next year and try something else. Indian Tacos, of which I have experience several exhalations, are smothered in cheese. Deep fried stuff hasn't enticed me for years: I always regret it later, like soda. The kabobs were forgettable, but the roast corn was worth more than the $3 I paid. Next time I'll try the turkey leg.
Oh yes, there will be a next time. Blood will tell, apparently: hopefully my farm boy Dad and country girl Mom can join me.

Reality Football

Growing up in an east coast college town did not prepare me for Oklahoma fanaticism about their college football teams. Around the office this time of year, the bets, dares, & pranks get out of control. My favorite was when the OU fans decorated the outspoken Texas Longhorns fan's desk with Sooner party fixings - poor guy was picking crimson & cream confetti out of his files for weeks.

However, I have never gotten to go to a football game, so I try to keep my laughter down to a murmer...I've observed serious fans with little sense of humor. Friday I went out for drinks with some guys from work and Tom told us a vendor had given him two tickets to the OU-Miami game. He wasn't sure he wanted to go, and offered them up to the table.

I had a flashback to my childhood. At the time the rivalry was a bigger deal to WVU than to Miami - until the year Miami came to town and received a pounding. The crowd mobbed the field after WVU won and I'm sure their are pieces of the goal posts floating around fan collections all over the state of West Virginia.

Yeah, I wanted to see OU scatter Miami like those goalposts. I called my friend Rachel and claimed the tickets.

I am sitting here now, hours after the game, exhausted from walking, climbing to the top of the stadium seating, cheering, and the sun. I'm sunburnt. And I love football. OU delivered Miami the biggest loss they've taken in the history of their program. They gave me my wish.

busy day

You wish for summer days like today. Sunny, not scorching. Breezy, not too windy. Skies blue for miles. The biker brothers were out and I was so excited about house hunting I didn't even care I wasn't on one. I picked up Melissa, grabbed some Starbucks, and met my realtor. She had a stack of MLS sheets so we hopped into her SUV and drove toward historic Oklahoma City. Since I'm the prospective buyer, I took the navigators' seat.
We exited the highway and stopped at the red light on the top of the ramp. When the light turned green we pulled out to make the left turn. I didn't even feel it...just heard the THUMP and saw dark debris scatter over the road to the right. That's when I saw the unmistakable shape of a motorcycle spinning, sliding across the pavement down the cross street. The pile of metal, leather, and the helmetless head came to a stop 150 feet away long after our SUV mountain ceased moving.
I noted that the poor biker was able to move and there was a remarkable lack of blood when I heard Melissa say how is 911 busy? All I could think was Where did that bike come from? Our light was green so they must have run the red light? Why was that idiot not wearing a helmet?
I felt so bad for my realtor. At least the rider was moving. The accident could have been so much worse. The cops had few questions and Melissa and I were the only witnesses who hadn't left the scene. Everybody else was honking angrily at their long weekend commute stalled by emergency vehicles blocking the intersection.There was no question of fault: our light was green and the bike hit us. But the nice guys leave the scene last, I guess.
SUVs may be gas guzzlers, but the oversized "cage" certainly keeps its passengers safe.
The house hunting is rather anticlimactic after that, I suppose...and maybe I won't put a bike into that detached garage just yet...

Omaha, NE

I finished up the day at work today writing my report about what business I had in Omaha (of all places). This space is what gets to see what pleasure I had there. To answer that question, the pleasure was all in the martinis and the beef. Between Flemings and the Art Museum I was extraordinarily well fed and wined. Of course, it wasn't purely culinary. I am a workaholic, after all. I met some great colleagues too.

Honestly, I never thought I'd be at THE party anywhere...but Monday night on the Omaha bar scene is scary by comparison to what our crowd turned the bar where we ended up.

Coming from me that's saying something.

Can't forget this tidbit either: Having never flown through Denver before, I naturally picked my plane seats for the best view of the Rockies. Shall I get into my love affair with mountains? Just look here and watch me gawp. Unfortunately, DEN is squarely planted on the Colorado eastern plains. The sun was barely up at landing. I pined for snow caps during takeoff through the misty dawn. I'm thankful for what glimpse I did get, considering.

The trip home wasn't better. It was raining over the mountains so I chatted with the nice Army Reserves gent going to Iraq via Ft. Sill, OK. In his civilian life he's a private pilot and told me horror stories about landing little jets at Boulder, CO's mountainside strip. OK, it was a little tactless after we'd been grounded for a hour because our plane was leaking hydraulic fluid...

language quiz - I'm nuetral!

http://www.youthink.com/quiz.asp?action=take&quiz_id=9827

What type of accent do you have? No offence to any non-Americans who might read my blog. The quiz tells me I have no distinct regional accent - something people have told me all my life.

day at the races

I'm so glad I've found a good masseuse - I'm going to need her (or a dose of Advil) to deal with the aftermath of living life to the fullest. Friday was the long-awaited IS department extended lunch break at Pole Position Raceway. I felt like I was immersed in the video games I used to watch my brother play - including the wipeouts. I managed to finish the trial run and the qualifier relatively unscathed...just a no bumping sign waved at me after I "maneuvered" out of a jam. Unfortunately that left me with preparation for what happened around the second turn of the actual race. I couldn't get my kart to go in reverse fast enough to correct myself and catch up. I finished a DISMAL last place. The only consolation was running the entire race virtually alone...and my best lap time was actually better than the guy who came in second. Roger (the one from golf, not motorcycles) - ended up winning.

motorcycle bliss - and then life happened

My friend Roger bought a bike a while back and has been teasing me with the prospect of a ride for about 3 weeks.
(Quick aside: this Roger is from Pathway Sales- not the CEO of our company OR the one from golf. There are too many Rogers and too many Matts in this part of the world.)
Back to the bike. It's a gorgeous white Harley with that sound that makes your heart swell into your stomach. Unfortunately it's been raining a lot...and I'm not going to get on a bike with any daredevil that wants to ride in the rain. Finally we had a good day and got out of work early Friday afternoon. The traffic wasn't too bad yet and we had a great run around the lake.
On the way back, about a half mile from the office, the front wheel seemed to shimmy a little and Roger rolled the bike over into the grass of a park by the road.
Roger, what's wrong? I asked, trying not to sound worried - this is a brand new bike!
The clutch, it's not working. Not a good voice either.
That's when I shut up. I don't know the first thing about motorcycle clutches (driving belts, yes, but that's another story). I felt so bad, even though I knew it wasn't my fault. I like to be helpful, but in this situation I felt the best help I could give was to stay out of the way. Roger got the Harley people on the phone and we started walking back to the office. Fortunately, a couple other salesguys from work drove by and gave us a lift - rescuing us from the July evening heat.
It could have been worse, I guess. Roger took the bike to the shop and promised me another ride. And I'm left with bike fever...but I need to buy a new computer first.

Catch-up

It's been a few weeks since I had that tetanus shot. No regrets about ignoring the blogosphere, however. It wouldn't be vacation if it were too easy for me to get to my email.
The images in my mind from Virginia are so precious. So beautiful. Starting with the lightning clouds the pilot had to fly around to get from Dallas to Norfolk. My cousin Tim's white face when Krystal stepped forward through the crowd of witnesses. Meeting extended family for the first time. Being propelled through the salt air on a 20 year old swing. Noah calling "Nahna!" to me whenever I was out of sight. Traipsing along the waterfront laughing with Sarah. Baby Matthew at the tips of my fingers, getting his balance, and then letting go! Ryia and I walking all over Arlington and eating Pakistani food with only our right hands.
As much as I love my job, I truely work to live.

ahhh...vacation

I would like to say I'm lounging in the sun at the end of the peninsula, surrounded by saltwater, and leisurely typing away. Attractive as that idea is, it's June "in the country" and the ticks are merciless in their quest for food. Take the sun out your mental picture, however, and you're not far off. For the moment. Supper is my show tonight so the leisure only lasts so long.
Granny's house is in a transitional period. Granny herself seems fairly pleased at the convalescent center where she lives in a private room and keeps a fairly steady stream of visitors. Her house is smartly organized (it is her house, after all) for guests. The house is becoming, as my mom told my Aunt the other day, a "do it yourself resort" for the family. I've been helping my parents with clean-up projects before my cousin arrives next week. Suzanne is going to reside here for the foreseeable future - to keep the place occupied.
Speaking of projects, I had a little accident this morning. Dad and Karl and I were working on the pier: one of the girders has collapsed after 35 years of wear. I was pulling rusty nails out of driftwood when I managed to scratch myself in the neck. Before this afternoon's trip to the York County Health Department, my last tetanus shot was in 1996.

Golf

I've never played golf, so every spring when my employer hosts a golf tournament, my practice was to attend the BBQ afterward and collect my free stuff. The cash given to the winners never really enticed me. Honestly, the free stuff wasn't much of a draw either, I believe I was out on a motorcycle the two prior years.
Motorcycles are currently out of my reach, and as I like to try new things, golf was in this year. One of the accounting managers loaned me her clubs and I was added to a group with three actual players. And my golf-cart partner (Roger) was the closest to my age of the three. People murmured prayers to the golf gods as I strolled down toward the carts...but what really made the afternoon was the great weather (no wind? in Oklahoma?) and Roger came prepared with a cooler for all our beer.
It was a four-man scramble - but I had a *decent* showing. Actually, my first drive was my best all day. I also managed to sink a putt for us - which felt especially good because putting was Roger's specialty. Having cold beer also helped. I couldn't drink a can fast enough before the beer got warm - so I kept pouring out cans and grabbing a cold one.
Our team finished under par, by 3 I think? And I slept really well Saturday night.
Will I play again? Absolutely! Will I buy clubs and a golf membership before a Honda? Open road beats greener pastures every time.

circles

It's been a couple hours since it started, but I'm finally starting to kick the hormones below the surface. I hope enough for good sleep.

27 days out of 29 I'm fine. Playing, creating, walking, working - the ebb and flow of focus and amusement. But for two days...does any other woman think fluctuating hormones are their thorn in the flesh? That sharp pain I feel in my stomach matches Paul's imagery so well.

And talking about it isn't helping. Writing about it brings contemplation - but not forgetfulness. No matter how many people I open to about my pain, I still feel like it's buried, unreachable as hell. Talking about it was supposed to help heal. That's what people say after they spill their guts: "it feels good just to talk about it. Thanks for listening." Of course it felt good to talk about it; its just me enjoying the attention and the concern people gave me. For all of my introversion - I do love the spotlight unflatteringly applied.

God has made it quite clear that what I wanted (or, had so many reasons to want) with Matt is NOT my calling. In the wake, He's given me people to love, a community to serve, and a job that gives me joy most days. I am truly blessed - but I cannot help but obsess.

good hair day

So it's been a couple weeks...no big deal. All I did was buy a plane ticket, buy a tomato planter, and loose my keys. Oh, and traded videos back and forth with Noah. I recorded a video for Noah this afternoon, but I rambled and it got too big to post. I'll have to re-shoot...

So I'll be going to Virgina in a couple weeks - doubt I will get to sail with Tim - but at least I'll see him married. Karl probably won't be staying too long...but any time with Karl is grace enough. Mom and Dad will stay long enough to see the Settles pick me up ok.

florida

Why do people flock to Florida? I now know I wouldn't mind visiting my parents if they're on the Keys for a couple months - especially if those months include April. The hotel is luxurious enough - spa, poolside steakhouse, "zen" bar - but what's keeping me up typing is the nature walk. Empirically, It's nothing spectacular: it stinks of fresh blacktop and is very short. Still, I love it. There's something peaceful about wandering outside when I wake up in the morning and before I go to bed at night. There something soothing about meandering between a golf-course and well landscaped buildings accessorized with geckos, palms, and toads. There's something in the humidity that energizes and relaxes me at the same time.
Anyway, it's intensely profound in my head (and it's not just the frizz in my hair). Oh, and check out my youtube site for some video from the beach today...

Caleb says "mama"

Usually when prompted, Caleb signs "Poppa" for either Poppa or Mama. Of course, on camera, kids are not predictable.

"It all makes sense now"

You know what they say about hindsight. Today was Monday, and my co-worker Matt was late to the office this morning. No big deal, I know he was working this weekend on some off-hours project. It is the IT department after all.
I run around a lot on Mondays and Thursday mornings - some of you know those are the big pricing days where I work with the CEO. When I returned to the IT dept Matt was surrounded by several people who were expressing concern about his wife. Knowing that she's been feeling poor lately, I asked what was wrong.
With characteristic vagary in tone, Matt says She's pregnant.
My automatic Congratulations! is followed by somebody's inquiry about the due date. It will be August.
I'm doing the math in my head as Matt says It all makes sense now.
Altogether now, with surfer dude incredulity: whoa!
Kids are a HUGE deal. Every time I'm in a restaurant with a screaming kid I wonder, did your parents know what they were getting into? But being pregnant for nearly five months and not know about it? Just about the only advantage to the long gestation period is the time to get parents used to the idea.
Fortunately for Matt and Becky, that opinion seems to be limited to just me...

music and errands

Another week, another weekend. I watched The Batman on Kid's WB this morning while I worked out - a throwback to my childhood. Then as I was driving to pick up my dry-cleaning I noticed the dilapidated bumper in front of my car. This piece of plastic was about to fall off and cause an accident. Ironically, its sticker read "don't mess with Texas."

Last night I got to see delirious? in concert at one of the local megachurches. They were a pretty good show, despite a couple interruptions. The lead singer had some technical difficulties with one of the stagelights when he picked it up to use as a floodlamp. I knew, somewhere in that enormous church, a stage manager was swearing under their breath.

The backup singer for one of the opening acts really impressed me too. Rachel and I both would rather buy her CD than the main act.

from a movie

I would never have seen the movie if Cingular hadn't given J free passes. It was a metaphysical missmash that broke my willing suspension of disbelief. However, I enjoyed the mental activity of my philosophical dialog with the movie's concepts. Not too challenging, so it was an indulgence of sorts.
I read an (unfavorable) review afterward that 2/3 of "Peaceful Warrior" is recognizable from every "inspired by true events" sports movie every produced. Fortunately, I am not an "inspiring sports movie" enthusiast. The philosophy, sounded quietly by Nick Nolte, promotes intense attention to surroundings and service to others while denying indulgence of the proud, overconfident ego.
The man has a voice that makes me want to hear him read Shakespeare. But when he spoke gravelly of journeys being more important than destinations, I quivered as my brain automatically applied that "insight" to my last 3 1/2 years. It could explain why I have no regrets about all the enjoyable and stimulating time Matt and I spent together.
It's a useless insight however, because of its indulgence. It joins the throngs of people that observe me and tell me that I'm doing well. I'm ok. I appreciate the gesture, but the surface observation doesn't notice my inward weariness.
Yesterday the sermon covered the first part of Acts 3. If we see ourselves in the passage, the healing of the lame man becomes a metaphor for each Christian's salvation. The salvific act performed by Jesus, through faith in Jesus was accomplished in me a long time ago. I feel now, far more than I did during my first round of spiritual searching 15-17 years ago, in need of healing. I also believe, despite the insight of the Peaceful Warrior, that I won't feel it until my ultimate "Destination."

Caleb has a new trick

day of rest

I'm posting tonight because I feel like I need to. All day I've been dancing around my frustration with my (self-perceived) inability to heal, by focusing on tasks.
In between tea, making jewelry and watching TV, I've addressed a reporting challenge by learning how to write Crystal Reports. Didn't help. I'm crying in the dark now, does anybody know a solution for an hour-specific GANTT chart without getting a programmer involved? Visio has a timeline stencil, but if I'm going to have to create the start & end for each item (did I mention there are 500+ of them?), I'd do it in Illustrator so it would look fabulous when I was done with it.
My brother thinks I need to try "resting," but what he describes requires more effort than anything I've actually done this weekend. Instead I'm sticking to blogging: my self-diagnosed therapy. It requires analysis to put thoughts together and publish them for the world to see. It forces me to understand every thought I commit to pixels - and to not, as mom says, "fly off the handle."

that time of the moon

I imagine Matt carries on his routine without me, that Matt is the same person without me. But the truth is, he does new things, he's becoming a different person without me there to see. What I miss most is seeing him grow, mature, react.
Routines are part of life, but life is born of change. I knew this intrinsically as I grasped for new things after he left. My visceral reaction to the breakup was to jump into new things. I knew when I signed up for myspace, when I started painting, when I fled to Mary, to Amy, to Jessica, to Rachel for distraction. I was asserting my life, reaching for variation, for situations in which I would need to adapt. I didn't want to be the same woman anymore.

revalation

videos

I did get my camera and I've started taking video, but they're all too big for youtube. I'm currently researching video editing tools, but I will have to upgrade some hardware on my computer before I can actually do much work. Of course I can take pictures too, but the video captures the moments better.

work and play

Tomorrow is a big day. The CEO claims to be ready to finally review some information with me. This is something we were supposed to do two months ago and it's also something that has to happen before my team releases phase 2 into production. Yeah, I'm not ready, but I'm not an IT member so I get shut out of the network at work after 11pm. Tomorrow will be a loooooooonnnnng day.

Today is also the day I received my new camera. Oh and I enjoyed my 10 minutes with it after it finished charging. That will also have to wait until tomorrow. Cirque du Soleil is in town and my friends and I have tickets!

update to previous

rrrrg. I just spent 15 minutes writing an update. Web text editors don't seem to auto-save like the document editors I use at work. I'm not going to re-write it...in summary, Rebecca found a better place to live and Steve and his dogs are safe, despite the faulty wiring in his house that caused him to loose everything else.

The experience recommends: get house wiring checked regularly (especially circuit breakers) and carry mace.

fear and tragedy

Sunday night, my friend Becca was held up at gunpoint outside her apartment and her purse was stolen. Yesterday, my co-worker Steve left his house only to get a frantic call from his neighbor two hours later that his house was on fire.
Becca has a new cell phone and lots of errands to run. Steve has his two lovely dogs and many meeting with the Insurance. Both need a place to live. Please pray for them!
I've been through enough just in this year to believe that good will come from these terrible events. Actually, Becca has probably already found safer and cheaper place to live than the apartment. For all that some selfish bullies take and destroy, there are so many others who follow the 2nd commandment. Fabulous reality, indeed.

getting over it

Just getting over a small bought with what one friend diagnosed as possibly food poisoning? My stomach has barely been controllable over the last two days, and it certainly hasn't been enjoying anything I put into it.
What a downer to a otherwise really great weekend. Friday night J & Rachel came over for dinner and a movie. Then we finished the weekend with another period piece. What really capped the weekend for me was their coming to church with me Sunday morning. Then came the lunch at Johnnie's (which I won't be repeating anytime soon) and the discovery of a Gelato parlour in Oklahoma City! I finally got the pictures from the Melting pot from Rachel so I'll post those later tonight!

blue & green

What do you do with cell phone pictures? Make them look like you did that crazy blurry thing on purpose.
It's getting late, but I think I got inspired this evening and I don't want to stop creating...afraid it might leave me! If you have any ideas or comments about my digital art - let me know, you can leave comments on flickr or here if you prefer...

clean!

This evening I am walking around in my apartment and NOT tripping over things. I put the laundry away. I cleaned up my kitchen. I rearanged some books, I sorted the junk from the mail. Even the medicine is all back in the cabinet.
Whenever the apartment is clean I usually end up wanting to paint stuff and make the walls look fuller. I love how furnishings look in West Elm but I can never figure out where the residents hide their things.
I need to trash some stuff...I want fewer things, so I get to look at fewer things.
Forgot to mention, saw Pat this weekend! It was lovely seeing pictures from her trip to Florida and getting caught up with her. I gave her a copy of a book I found at B&N...we both like words. She was tired, but she seems to be getting her heart back in life, which I love to see.

mystified by Grey's Anatomy

I gained interest in Grey's Anatomy last summer when I caught a couple re-runs. I watched the season premier with curiosity and, toward the end, tears.
Then I discribed the plot of the premier to somebody. Think about it. Obscure plagues, love triangles and quadrandles, and one adorable vet who the laws of television just wouldn't reward. Sound resonable to you? Emotional trips do not good entertainment make, especially as I was loosing any connection to these character's lives that I gained over the summer.
But I was just channel surfing and there was Meredith whining in bed because she didn't "feel" like going to work. Her roommates/friends/co-workers were attempting to talk some sense into her (good luck with that) but she was having none of it.
And then she said: "...I can't remember the last time we kissed. 'Cause you never think the last time is the last time, you think there'll be more."
Now I feel what little Noah looks like when he gets miserable about something: Big brown eyes well up, he hurries to his mom, taps his chest (the sign for "please") says, "hurt...hurt."

even more goodbyes!

Today was Dee Dee's last day at my office. She starts her new job on Monday. We took the liberty of stalling Roger for one last talk in her office...a lovely mix of professional interest and personal connection.
I now have a standing invitation to weekend in Denver ANYTIME I LIKE. The one condition is that I arrive early so we can get some lunch, together.

infection

Most days, I enjoy my work. But when your sinuses are clogging up and effecting your will to concentrate, there is only joy in sleep.
Theraflu can help with that. It doesn't inspire activity diagrams out of a use case document, but sleep, it can handle.

too many goodbyes

The birds were swarming over the Target at sunset tonight. Even the cart recepticles in the parking lot were swelled by feathered sillouettes against the lava sky. When I drove by a sweep of flying shadows passed beside my car.
Where are they flying? *sigh* Given my current predisposition to contemplation; analogies everywhere.
I know where the Settles are flying, that's a 23 hour drive I've actually done myself. Janet is trying to extricating herself from her multitude of "she does that too?" so she can fly into retirement. I know that wherever Matt is flying, he maintains control.
Time to bury myself in my work again. Fortunately, creating new splash screens doesn't really count as work.

wants

Rachel and J came over this evening...we talked about Rachel's new roomba, pondered what kind of person who would live a video game (leave it to CSI: Miami to explore THAT one), and discussed going home to Heaven.
Not too sleepy after they left, I started flipping through my catalogs. My girlfriends will be proud I didn't turn on my laptop to do some work. Instead, found some great shoes...
How quickly one's mind turns.

work work work

Amy said something last weekend about how I seemed to use a lot of energy at my work, so no wonder I crash so hard on the weekends.
Who wants to wait for a weekend? Just finished ferreting out freights for a fuel bid and turning over the new project envisioning document a couple times.