that time of the moon

I imagine Matt carries on his routine without me, that Matt is the same person without me. But the truth is, he does new things, he's becoming a different person without me there to see. What I miss most is seeing him grow, mature, react.
Routines are part of life, but life is born of change. I knew this intrinsically as I grasped for new things after he left. My visceral reaction to the breakup was to jump into new things. I knew when I signed up for myspace, when I started painting, when I fled to Mary, to Amy, to Jessica, to Rachel for distraction. I was asserting my life, reaching for variation, for situations in which I would need to adapt. I didn't want to be the same woman anymore.