day at the races

I'm so glad I've found a good masseuse - I'm going to need her (or a dose of Advil) to deal with the aftermath of living life to the fullest. Friday was the long-awaited IS department extended lunch break at Pole Position Raceway. I felt like I was immersed in the video games I used to watch my brother play - including the wipeouts. I managed to finish the trial run and the qualifier relatively unscathed...just a no bumping sign waved at me after I "maneuvered" out of a jam. Unfortunately that left me with preparation for what happened around the second turn of the actual race. I couldn't get my kart to go in reverse fast enough to correct myself and catch up. I finished a DISMAL last place. The only consolation was running the entire race virtually alone...and my best lap time was actually better than the guy who came in second. Roger (the one from golf, not motorcycles) - ended up winning.

motorcycle bliss - and then life happened

My friend Roger bought a bike a while back and has been teasing me with the prospect of a ride for about 3 weeks.
(Quick aside: this Roger is from Pathway Sales- not the CEO of our company OR the one from golf. There are too many Rogers and too many Matts in this part of the world.)
Back to the bike. It's a gorgeous white Harley with that sound that makes your heart swell into your stomach. Unfortunately it's been raining a lot...and I'm not going to get on a bike with any daredevil that wants to ride in the rain. Finally we had a good day and got out of work early Friday afternoon. The traffic wasn't too bad yet and we had a great run around the lake.
On the way back, about a half mile from the office, the front wheel seemed to shimmy a little and Roger rolled the bike over into the grass of a park by the road.
Roger, what's wrong? I asked, trying not to sound worried - this is a brand new bike!
The clutch, it's not working. Not a good voice either.
That's when I shut up. I don't know the first thing about motorcycle clutches (driving belts, yes, but that's another story). I felt so bad, even though I knew it wasn't my fault. I like to be helpful, but in this situation I felt the best help I could give was to stay out of the way. Roger got the Harley people on the phone and we started walking back to the office. Fortunately, a couple other salesguys from work drove by and gave us a lift - rescuing us from the July evening heat.
It could have been worse, I guess. Roger took the bike to the shop and promised me another ride. And I'm left with bike fever...but I need to buy a new computer first.

Catch-up

It's been a few weeks since I had that tetanus shot. No regrets about ignoring the blogosphere, however. It wouldn't be vacation if it were too easy for me to get to my email.
The images in my mind from Virginia are so precious. So beautiful. Starting with the lightning clouds the pilot had to fly around to get from Dallas to Norfolk. My cousin Tim's white face when Krystal stepped forward through the crowd of witnesses. Meeting extended family for the first time. Being propelled through the salt air on a 20 year old swing. Noah calling "Nahna!" to me whenever I was out of sight. Traipsing along the waterfront laughing with Sarah. Baby Matthew at the tips of my fingers, getting his balance, and then letting go! Ryia and I walking all over Arlington and eating Pakistani food with only our right hands.
As much as I love my job, I truely work to live.

ahhh...vacation

I would like to say I'm lounging in the sun at the end of the peninsula, surrounded by saltwater, and leisurely typing away. Attractive as that idea is, it's June "in the country" and the ticks are merciless in their quest for food. Take the sun out your mental picture, however, and you're not far off. For the moment. Supper is my show tonight so the leisure only lasts so long.
Granny's house is in a transitional period. Granny herself seems fairly pleased at the convalescent center where she lives in a private room and keeps a fairly steady stream of visitors. Her house is smartly organized (it is her house, after all) for guests. The house is becoming, as my mom told my Aunt the other day, a "do it yourself resort" for the family. I've been helping my parents with clean-up projects before my cousin arrives next week. Suzanne is going to reside here for the foreseeable future - to keep the place occupied.
Speaking of projects, I had a little accident this morning. Dad and Karl and I were working on the pier: one of the girders has collapsed after 35 years of wear. I was pulling rusty nails out of driftwood when I managed to scratch myself in the neck. Before this afternoon's trip to the York County Health Department, my last tetanus shot was in 1996.

Golf

I've never played golf, so every spring when my employer hosts a golf tournament, my practice was to attend the BBQ afterward and collect my free stuff. The cash given to the winners never really enticed me. Honestly, the free stuff wasn't much of a draw either, I believe I was out on a motorcycle the two prior years.
Motorcycles are currently out of my reach, and as I like to try new things, golf was in this year. One of the accounting managers loaned me her clubs and I was added to a group with three actual players. And my golf-cart partner (Roger) was the closest to my age of the three. People murmured prayers to the golf gods as I strolled down toward the carts...but what really made the afternoon was the great weather (no wind? in Oklahoma?) and Roger came prepared with a cooler for all our beer.
It was a four-man scramble - but I had a *decent* showing. Actually, my first drive was my best all day. I also managed to sink a putt for us - which felt especially good because putting was Roger's specialty. Having cold beer also helped. I couldn't drink a can fast enough before the beer got warm - so I kept pouring out cans and grabbing a cold one.
Our team finished under par, by 3 I think? And I slept really well Saturday night.
Will I play again? Absolutely! Will I buy clubs and a golf membership before a Honda? Open road beats greener pastures every time.

circles

It's been a couple hours since it started, but I'm finally starting to kick the hormones below the surface. I hope enough for good sleep.

27 days out of 29 I'm fine. Playing, creating, walking, working - the ebb and flow of focus and amusement. But for two days...does any other woman think fluctuating hormones are their thorn in the flesh? That sharp pain I feel in my stomach matches Paul's imagery so well.

And talking about it isn't helping. Writing about it brings contemplation - but not forgetfulness. No matter how many people I open to about my pain, I still feel like it's buried, unreachable as hell. Talking about it was supposed to help heal. That's what people say after they spill their guts: "it feels good just to talk about it. Thanks for listening." Of course it felt good to talk about it; its just me enjoying the attention and the concern people gave me. For all of my introversion - I do love the spotlight unflatteringly applied.

God has made it quite clear that what I wanted (or, had so many reasons to want) with Matt is NOT my calling. In the wake, He's given me people to love, a community to serve, and a job that gives me joy most days. I am truly blessed - but I cannot help but obsess.

good hair day

So it's been a couple weeks...no big deal. All I did was buy a plane ticket, buy a tomato planter, and loose my keys. Oh, and traded videos back and forth with Noah. I recorded a video for Noah this afternoon, but I rambled and it got too big to post. I'll have to re-shoot...

So I'll be going to Virgina in a couple weeks - doubt I will get to sail with Tim - but at least I'll see him married. Karl probably won't be staying too long...but any time with Karl is grace enough. Mom and Dad will stay long enough to see the Settles pick me up ok.