day of rest

I'm posting tonight because I feel like I need to. All day I've been dancing around my frustration with my (self-perceived) inability to heal, by focusing on tasks.
In between tea, making jewelry and watching TV, I've addressed a reporting challenge by learning how to write Crystal Reports. Didn't help. I'm crying in the dark now, does anybody know a solution for an hour-specific GANTT chart without getting a programmer involved? Visio has a timeline stencil, but if I'm going to have to create the start & end for each item (did I mention there are 500+ of them?), I'd do it in Illustrator so it would look fabulous when I was done with it.
My brother thinks I need to try "resting," but what he describes requires more effort than anything I've actually done this weekend. Instead I'm sticking to blogging: my self-diagnosed therapy. It requires analysis to put thoughts together and publish them for the world to see. It forces me to understand every thought I commit to pixels - and to not, as mom says, "fly off the handle."

that time of the moon

I imagine Matt carries on his routine without me, that Matt is the same person without me. But the truth is, he does new things, he's becoming a different person without me there to see. What I miss most is seeing him grow, mature, react.
Routines are part of life, but life is born of change. I knew this intrinsically as I grasped for new things after he left. My visceral reaction to the breakup was to jump into new things. I knew when I signed up for myspace, when I started painting, when I fled to Mary, to Amy, to Jessica, to Rachel for distraction. I was asserting my life, reaching for variation, for situations in which I would need to adapt. I didn't want to be the same woman anymore.

revalation

videos

I did get my camera and I've started taking video, but they're all too big for youtube. I'm currently researching video editing tools, but I will have to upgrade some hardware on my computer before I can actually do much work. Of course I can take pictures too, but the video captures the moments better.

work and play

Tomorrow is a big day. The CEO claims to be ready to finally review some information with me. This is something we were supposed to do two months ago and it's also something that has to happen before my team releases phase 2 into production. Yeah, I'm not ready, but I'm not an IT member so I get shut out of the network at work after 11pm. Tomorrow will be a loooooooonnnnng day.

Today is also the day I received my new camera. Oh and I enjoyed my 10 minutes with it after it finished charging. That will also have to wait until tomorrow. Cirque du Soleil is in town and my friends and I have tickets!

update to previous

rrrrg. I just spent 15 minutes writing an update. Web text editors don't seem to auto-save like the document editors I use at work. I'm not going to re-write it...in summary, Rebecca found a better place to live and Steve and his dogs are safe, despite the faulty wiring in his house that caused him to loose everything else.

The experience recommends: get house wiring checked regularly (especially circuit breakers) and carry mace.