circles

It's been a couple hours since it started, but I'm finally starting to kick the hormones below the surface. I hope enough for good sleep.

27 days out of 29 I'm fine. Playing, creating, walking, working - the ebb and flow of focus and amusement. But for two days...does any other woman think fluctuating hormones are their thorn in the flesh? That sharp pain I feel in my stomach matches Paul's imagery so well.

And talking about it isn't helping. Writing about it brings contemplation - but not forgetfulness. No matter how many people I open to about my pain, I still feel like it's buried, unreachable as hell. Talking about it was supposed to help heal. That's what people say after they spill their guts: "it feels good just to talk about it. Thanks for listening." Of course it felt good to talk about it; its just me enjoying the attention and the concern people gave me. For all of my introversion - I do love the spotlight unflatteringly applied.

God has made it quite clear that what I wanted (or, had so many reasons to want) with Matt is NOT my calling. In the wake, He's given me people to love, a community to serve, and a job that gives me joy most days. I am truly blessed - but I cannot help but obsess.

good hair day

So it's been a couple weeks...no big deal. All I did was buy a plane ticket, buy a tomato planter, and loose my keys. Oh, and traded videos back and forth with Noah. I recorded a video for Noah this afternoon, but I rambled and it got too big to post. I'll have to re-shoot...

So I'll be going to Virgina in a couple weeks - doubt I will get to sail with Tim - but at least I'll see him married. Karl probably won't be staying too long...but any time with Karl is grace enough. Mom and Dad will stay long enough to see the Settles pick me up ok.